I hate myself so much sometimes.
Have you guys ever been through this scenario:
You know something is wrong, and you really shouldn't do it.
Because if you do, something bad may happen.
But you still do it.

Yeah well, I've been doing this for quite a large portion of my 14 years.
I don't know why I do them, but the point is that I still do.
And I totally hate myself for that.

You see, I'm reaching a point where I don't make such a big effort anymore.
It's like, you do so much, and you work so hard, but it all comes to naught because things either remain the same or they just get worse.
And you can't talk to anyone, because they won't understand.
It's something, personal.

I know I have God and all, and I'm truly grateful.
But sometimes, I do wonder if God still loves me ):
I know that's utter bullshit, I ought to be slapping myself left and right for even thinking such a thought.
Don't worry, I know God still does. A lot.
But it's during those times when I start to doubt everything.
Like, friendships, familial ties, cca mates, church, etc etc.
When everything seems to be going wrong.

Honestly, I'm 14 now.
There's not gonna be anymore, "I don't wanna friend you already 'cos you used my eraser without my permission. And I'm gonna tell everybody not to friend you too."
I feel time is passing too fast and everything is changing too much.
I feel lost.

But now I've learnt to take things one day at a time.
I mean, what can you do about stuff?
The year's coming to an end already.
Whatever friendship problems, class problems, it's all ending soon.
So what if you try?
Nothing's gonna change and it's all a waste of time.

I'm not going to comment on so much stuff anymore.
If you do this, then do this.
If you do that, then do that.
I don't wanna mind anymore.
I'm not gonna go, "Eh, why did you do this!" or, "Eh, why you go and do that lah."
Because I'm past caring.

If you need help, a listening ear, a friend, a study partner, or even just a hug, ask, and you will receive.
I'm still nice ;D

It's just that, I'm not going to go into all these little petty stuff.
Because everybody's drifting, and complaining will only make it worse.
Seriously, this sucks.
Bigtime.

I'd like to change the situation too, if I could.
Now I understand what they mean by 'the good ole' days'.

I wish I was still living in the good ole' days too.