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and i think i'm boring, so if you're bored and you want to laugh at other boring people, welcome. but you don't necessarily have to tell me i'm boring though, *glances at tagboard*. sooooo, let's have a little talk about me.

Have you ever wondered maybe that everything you held in the palm of your hand was simply nothing but a disillusion, just like someone sees an oasis in the middle of the blistering heat of a desert. When the mirage, or in my case, my life, is my deepest, darkest desire, my longing in a time of desolation and maybe a heavenly relief from the misshapen plane that is reality.

And then when you just want to escape from the harsh truth of it all, you get pulled back in, wait, dragged back in and hurled into the infinitely many bottomless pits that really, really, really, never seem to end no matter how loud you cry, how hard you struggle, how desperate you are, until there comes a time when you finally realise, that nothing, nothing is going to work.

You gave in, you gave up, but still! They never, ever let you off, do they? You're entrapped in their grasp for all eternity. You claw and claw with bare fingers, trying to break through their flawless hold, and obviously you fail. Just when you're about to just let go, somebody, a light, shines. A revelation. You're not alone anymore.

Suddenly, the light brightens, if that was even possible, and all you see is light; blinding, glittering, endless gold. It's like nothing you've ever seen before. You think, hey if this is how I'm going to die, I don't think I actually mind. How naive. Because out of that wonderful, glorious light that just comes and comes, steps out a smile.

That's when you see actually see the light, the sudden realisation that this isn't the end. There's more to come. Hope awakens in the very depths of your exhausted soul, and it stirs your heart. You get reacquainted with your emotions once again, and you get to know faith. A beautiful, beautiful faith.

You stretch out your hand as far as you can, that look so plain on your face so heartbreaking. A child, so innocent, so undeserving of all this pain. Your eyes settle upon that smile you witness, the soulful orbs longing for a relief. And you're not disappointed. Never.

The smile embraces you with warmth and love, and you just sob uncontrollably because this was what you've been waiting for all along. What you've never known, but have always wanted, craved, needed. Something powerful, beautiful, but in its very innermost essence, a white so pure you feel ashamed.

You think it's the end of it, that you've been through enough, that you don't deserve anymore because you've been through so, so much, and you think that you're saved. How gullible. Every end, is another's beginning.

And it happens. All over again.

By the time it comes to a pause, your heart's broken, shattered into a million red, shiny fragments, lost in the fray of despair, guilt, shame, and pain that was gripping your core so tight, that was the final straw. All that's left are the pieces, the leftovers, the unwanted.

When what you're experiencing is painful beyond words, when all that's happening is the hell you wished you'd never encounter, when you want to give up and let go and fall in but circumstances simply don't allow, where there's no room for mistakes but that's all you seem to be making lately, when everybody casts a disdainful glance at you and the only place you feel welcomed is a dark, isolated corner, when all you want to do is run away, far far far off to somewhere where you can just be who you really, and just is.

You can't play on broken strings.






TONG. says: (10:08:56 PM)
kristalynn,

TONG. says: (10:09:01 PM)
i find your dp very distracting


))):

Labels: The End