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best viewed using GC, FF, IE, & SAFARI with screen reso of 1280x800,
sucks in smaller resolutions (kinda). not sure for other browsers.
and i think i'm boring, so if you're bored and you want to laugh at other boring people, welcome. but you don't necessarily have to tell me i'm boring though, *glances at tagboard*.
sooooo, let's have a little talk about me.
A Letter to God.
Dear God,
I think I need a psychiatrist. I have serious moodswings. I'm serious! I was like uber happy about 5 seconds ago, and now I feel like crying. I don't know why either. ):
Daddy, sometimes I really wish you could just be there and hug me and keep me there in your arms and never let me go, because then I'll feel loved forever and ever and ever. Actually I don't know what love is. What's it like to love someone unconditionally?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING NOW. Lord, I know you know. I don't know what to do, what to say, what to think. This is what I'm feeling: Sad/Happy/Neutral/Tired/Restless/Silent/Emotionless/Turmoil/Have I mentioned Neutral?
I miss 2D a lot. I miss the peace they give me, I miss the encouragement they provide, I miss the warmth they exude, I miss their presence. I miss their laughs, I miss bullying them, I miss being bullied, I miss being annoyed, I miss being scolded by Li Jie, I miss all the wonderful times we've wasted our time away in Mrs Look's class, I miss all the times we've made fun of Chew Hwee, I miss all the secret smiles on Mrs Goh's face. I miss the friendship and closeness we shared, I miss all of them.
When in those days, there was nothing to care about, when everything was prepared for you, when all you needed to do was simply to play along. There was always somebody looking after you, someone managing all your affairs, somebody guiding you along. But suddenly everything's been snatched away. Everybody has such high expectations of you but you don't even know where/how/if you should start. You're not even sure if it's you that's supposed to take the first step out. You just don't know. What/when/where/who/why/how.
I need reassurances so bad, so bad. But how come it seems as though I'm always the one providing advice to others? This is a joke. I can't even help myself; who am I to help others?! I don't even know what's wrong with me, how am I supposed to go about helping myself?! God, God, God, I need you desperately.
I'm so lost and so confused. I know I have all these wonderful people around me who're there, but I can't burden them with all these. It's not fair. And even then, the things that they can do are still only so much. There's nobody else besides you, Lord, that can help me. Not even myself. I'm in too deep already.
I'm sure you know what my heart wants/needs to say. The things that I'm now trying to express into words but simply can't. I feel so constrained, no not me. My heart feels so constricted, like a boa eating an elephant. My back is aching, my neck is throbbing, my eyes are watering, my head is spinning, but still you're there. I wish sometimes that my heart was made of ice, because then I'd be numb to everything. I don't even need a flexible rubber heart to stretch to accommodate all these emotions, because if I had a heart of ice, I wouldn't feel anything. Nothing at all. How nice. Perhaps.
There it goes again.
I shiver.
Lord. I am lost.
There's so many things to think about, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
CCA/Studies/Friendships/Family/Church/Life - I'm only 15 I'm not made to handle all this!!!!!
Maybe I'm just not good enough. I'm not up to it. I overestimated myself. I think too highly of myself. I'm too ambitious for my own good. Like Hitler.
Over-ambitiousness = Downfall
My neck is aching horribly. How. Lord, how. I don't know.
I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.
If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.
This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.
If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.
On my own...
I tried to be perfect,
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.
If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.
It just wasn't worth it. Perhaps neither am I.
I lift my life into your hands, Lord. You mould me and make me. And now I surrender my whole being to you Lord. I pray that you'll heal my soul and make me whole again. Touch my heart, change me anew. Mend my broken, broken soul.
And I pray all this in Jesus' most precious name,
Amen.
Labels: Pieces, Prayer, Sum 41
Friday, July 24, 2009,10:36 PM |
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0 comment(s)
Out the window.
Never been more tired than this.
I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair.
I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.
If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.
This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.
If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.
On my own...
I tried to be perfect,
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.
If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.
Labels: Pieces, Sandi Thom, Sum 41
Wednesday, April 22, 2009,10:17 PM |
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0 comment(s)
Never been more tired than this.