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and i think i'm boring, so if you're bored and you want to laugh at other boring people, welcome. but you don't necessarily have to tell me i'm boring though, *glances at tagboard*. sooooo, let's have a little talk about me.

HI EVERYBODY I HAVE GOOD NEWS!!!

I FINALLY FOUND MY HEALTH BOOKLET HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY~

:D :D :D :D

THANK GOD!!!! ^^

I owe my life to God completely.
Seriously I don't know what I'd do without him.
So many times, He's been the one holding my hand and walking me through.
There can be no better father, no better friend.
Everything I do, in your most precious name.
Amen. ^^

Labels: God, Health Booklet

Then we split up, 'cos she had to go to Orchard to meet her cellgroup and I had to head to GWC to meet my primary school friends! :D

I SAW NOL SWADDIWUDHIPONG! (sp?!?!?)
Omgzxz! It's been ICE AGES since I last saw him, which was in, p4!
'Cos the smartass got in the gifted education program and xferred to henry park primary.
He's from thailand, btw, which explains the weird name.
Met the guys at Mac, and decided to go buy tickets.

We watched Money Not Enough 2 instead.
Because a lot of people said that The Mummy 3 wasn't really good, and The Journey To The Center Of The Earth sucked.
So we decided to watch the Jack Neo film!

Hahaha, did you know that Jack Neo has his own studio?
It's called, NEOSTUDIOS.

Heheheh.
I'm going to tell you guys the storyline, so if you intend to watch it, don't read this part.

-STORYLINE-

It's about this old lady and her 3 sons and daughter-in-laws.
So the 3 sons are involved in businesses.
The youngest son then got involved in a food poisoning lawsuit.
The eldest son was also involved, 'cos he was working for the littlest brother.
The 2nd son then got cheated of his money, so he lost everything: his bungalow, BMW, etc.
He had to move into a HDB flat.

So 'cos all of them were in dire straits, they all went to their mother for money.
She gave them all of her lifesavings, and even her jewellery and even wanted to give them her gold tooth to pawn for money.
Because her sons were deeply in debt, she followed her friend's suggestion to beg for money.
But she got caught by the social welfare department, and her sons got called down.
They scolded her, because they felt that due to this incident, their pride have been affected.
No face to see others already, so they say.

The old lady was severely upset, 'cos she did it for their sake, but yet was subjected to their scoldings.
She fainted, and was admitted to the hospital.
After she was released, Alzheimer's disease started to set in.
Her body was also failing, and she couldn't control her bladder and her systems.
So she kept passing out waste and wetting her pants all over the house of the eldest son.
He wasn't happy, so he called a meeting with the other two brothers to discuss this situation.

The sons took lousy care of her, and treated her like a thing, and not a human.
One son let her sleep in the toilet, to prevent her from dirtying the house due her inability to control her systems.
Another made her sleep outside the toilet.
Finally, they couldn't stand her anymore.
They got together to discuss again, the three brothers.
And decided to send her off to an old folks' home.

The eldest brother brought her to the home.
When she arrived, she asked the social worker if it was an old folks' home.
The social worker told her that it was a place for te elderly to get happy.
But when the old lady saw all the elderly people and their sullen faces, realisation dawned upon her.
She started crying out for her son, but he ran away.
She was so upset, she fell and fainted, in an attempt to get out of the place.

She fell into coma and got admitted into the hospital.
Following her admission, the 2nd brother's daughter got into an accident, and was severely injured.
She needed an operation urgently.
Because she had lost a lot of blood, she needed a blood transfusion.
But her blood type was O-, which was very rare.
Her parents both couldn't donate, as one had liver problems and the other was anaemic.
At the same time, the blood bank was also out of O- blood.

The 2nd brother's wife was desperate to save her daughter's life.
When she learnt that originally there was two packets of O- blood, and one was used for the old lady, she dashed to the old lady's ward and snatched the packet of blood.
The sons started arguing because the mother also needed the blood.
The wife was desperate, she refused to let go of the packet.

Just at this point in time, the mother awoke from the coma.
She overheard the commotion, the argument over who the packet of blood should go to.
"She's already an old lady, what's the point in saving her? My daughter's still so young, she still has a long way to go!"
"Are you saying that my mother is inhuman? She needs it too!"
"No! I'm not letting this go! I must save my daughter no matter what!"
After overhearing the conversation, the mother pulled out the tube connecting her to the machine keeping her alive.
And died, for the sake of children and grandchildren who didn't appreciate her despite her upbringing them, and giving them her complete lifesavings.

In the end, the daughter was saved, and everything was alright.
Even after the mother died, she helped her children to win Toto, 'cos the carplate number of the funeral van she was in came out top prize.
All 3 sons decided to combine together in an effort to start a business anew, and succeeded.
So it ended on a happy note.

-END OF STORYLINE-

I cried bucketloads.
I mean, go watch it.
It's a really good movie.
Everytime I saw how the sons treated the mother, I got convicted and I kept crying lah.
My heart hurt for the mother :X

Mothers are beautiful. They're so loving. I thank God for them manzxz. Amen!

Gah, even now as I think of how the old lady cried silently when the sons treated her like dirt, how she never complained and put up a happy front as though she didn't mind, how her son ran away from her when she cried for him at the old folks' home, and how she sacrificed herself for her children and their children, I start crying again T.T

I love you Mama! :D (my ahma)

After the movie, the guys went to play soccer and we went arcading.
Shopping, then dinner.
And finally, home sweet home with my loving mama! :D

HAHAHA.
Whew.


I'm still looking for study partners! *hints*

Boohoohoo.

Labels: God, money not enough 2

ah damn.

i failed my maths test.
by one mark.

nothing's been going right for me these days.
sorry if i seem particularly emo, but i'm trying hard to juggle things around ._.

LOL i even wrote "Kristalynn, CHILL." on my hand in permanent marker :O
sighayeaye.

i'm not even really looking forward to the west m'sia trip lo.
partly 'cos we're going to negeri sembilan T.T and also 'cos of some other stuff lah.
but on the other hand, class tee's gonna be done soon! (:

aiya.
whatever.
whole day post emo stuff no fun alr.


*ATTENTION!
Read this please (:

"One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth."

"He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."

"God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime."

"God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off."

"God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have."

"Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church."

"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him."

"But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK. His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore, He could stay in heaven. So He did."

"And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary only more important."

"You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the times."

"You should always go to Church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God."

"Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong! And, besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway."

"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can."

"It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids."

"But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases."

"And that's why I believe in God."

By Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade homework assignment to "Explain God."

Labels: emo, God

read this. i cried. and i'm not afraid to admit it.

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed 'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
-Phil. 4:13

'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.'

If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also.
My 'People I shared the gospel with' file just got bigger, how about yours?

Labels: God, love, sacrifice

200th post.
how ironic it is that it's the 200th post; and it's destined to be an emo one.
ha ha.

this is my blog, and i shall post whatever i want.
i don't care what you think.
because no matter what everybody thinks, i'm still a person.
a human.
with raw emotions and surging feelings.
it isn't my fault that i hurt inside.
neither is it yours that you happen to feel weird while i rant.
so just leave me alone if you can't keep those comments to yourself.

i don't know why i feel like that.
i know i can't complain that i haven't got friends.
you have to be contented with what you have.
you can't just want more, and more, and more.
well it won't happen.

but sometimes.
sometimes, you're surrounded by friends.
but you're all alone.

i don't like that feeling.
it's not good to be a loner.
you don't have anyone to talk to.
you're all by yourself.

and it hurts to be alone.
it hurts alot.

ugh, i feel so pathetic.
why am i blogging like this.
i'm a superstar aren't i.
ha ha.
):

i wish i could just leave everything here.
and run away.
i don't know - perhaps to somewhere in antarctica.
then i'll be best friends with a penguin and we'll waddle all over the icebergs.
we'll play hide and seek and when we're hungry we'll go fishing.
and we'll keep fishing and eating and grow fat to stay warm.
and nobody would care.
because nobody else is there to care.
it'll only be the penguins, the fish, and i.
we'll have fun, won't we?
well.
won't we?

i have to say this.
i can't keep it in any longer.

you.
i love you.
yes i do.
and i don't know why.
i hate myself for loving you.
why - of all guys, why you?
i thought i'd already gotten over your lousy being.
but just as i thought i'd be happy again;
i found myself in love with you again.

i hate you.
i hate you for making me love you.
i hate you for making me sound like romeo.
i hate you for existing.
why on earth did you come into my life!
i was happy without you and all the complications that come with you.
i don't appreciate all the buy-one-get-everything-else-free offer.
you're ruining my life.
you're ruining my relationships.
you're ruining me.
and yet.
i still love you.

sure you're popular.
and if i may say so myself - i think i'm quite popular as well.
i don't know, it may all be a facade.
to deceive others is easy; to be deceived is easier.
i regret spending time with you.
you probably won't even read this.
because you could hardly care about me anymore, right?

i'm just an acquaintance, a normal friend.
you've got loads of them.
loads of normal friends.
and some, some are closer.
it hurts when i see you with them.
having so much fun.
and i can't even bring myself close to having fun with my own close buddies.
and i hate myself for that.

why am i brooding over this!
my life is perfect -
i've got great friends around me; great parents; a great dog; a great cca; a great family; a great God.
but why oh why.
I DETEST YOU, DO YOU KNOW THAT?!

ugh. i want to stop swearing already.
as a christian, i musn't swear.
):

sigh.
it hurts me alot alot alot.
everything that concerns you.
everybody that revolves around you.
definitely not me eh.
haha.
i'm trying to forget you already.
although you may not care about me anymore.
although i may mean nothing to you.
although you may ask, "Who are you?" to me in the near future.
although you may fall in love with someone else and tell her you love her.
although you may not appreciate what i've done for you.
although i end up all alone in this vast world.

if you ask me once again, i'll still tell you i love you.

oh man.
Lord, why do i feel like this.
i so totally hate myself now.
ugh ugh ugh.
kristalynn yue, you so totally suck bigtime.
whatever.

sorry, but bear with me please.
im really feeling so damn emo now.
!@#%^&*(
sorry for the incessant and never ending rants.
here i go again.
it's all a cycle.

i've already lost a close friend once.
he was my confidant, my best friend, my trustworthy pal.
and he loved God.
but i lost him.
we drifted and he's closer to my junior than he is to me now.
and to think that we were once best friends.
i thought we could be best friends.
i thought that maybe, just maybe, you and i, we could be like what me and the other friend were.
i thought that i'd be able to tell you everything, and i thought that i could be your listening ear.
i tried so hard.
but you didn't let me.
of course i couldn't just say it out loud - i have my pride y'know.
and you've got your own friends too.
and yet.
everytime i try to talk to you, you push me away.
and that's not all.
you say things.
things that hurt.
ugh.
everything hurts nowadays.
but more when you say it.
because, i wanted you to be my best friend.
you matter to me.

and now i'm losing you.
do you know that i'm crying because of you?
and i don't know why.
there are a million and one things i don't have a clue about.
i am so pathetic.
so what if i have a thousand and one friends.
they don't care about me.
i thought you did.
apparently you didn't, right?
and you pushed me away so roughly, i fell.
i fell deep into a bottomless pit and i can't ever find my footing again.
because this is the second time i've been left alone.
and there'll be nobody to pick me up.
because all the warm, inviting hands which once stretched into the pit i've fallen into to pick me up have long gone.
replaced by the cold tendrils of loneliness and desperation.

and as i see you get closer with another person.
as i watch from the sidelines.
i close my eyes and drown in the engulfing blackness surrounding me, pulling me down.
and i'll never reach the ground again.
i'll forever be held in midair, falling, falling, falling.
forever falling deeper into the pits of solitude.
no, it's not solitude.
because it's not my choice to be alone.
i've never had a choice.

at this rate, i'm gonna be needing alot of tape to paste the pieces of my heart back where they belong.
this is getting crazy.
i'm going insane.
maybe this is why i need a blog.
there are some things which you can't even talk about to your best friend.
but they may be easier to talk about with someone else, a total stranger.
life sucks.
i wish i could just get run down by a car and have amnesia and forget about this whole complicated shitass matter and start life anew.

no, actually i don't want that.
i'm afraid of pain.
i can't imagine how much it'll hurt to get bashed up by some stupid metal thing with rubber wheels.

well then. what do i want?
oh dammit.
i don't know.
maybe i just want somebody to walk with me for now.

everybody around me has somebody else with them.
it irks me somehow; all this love.
LOL - now ppl will think i'm despo for a stead man.

but hey.
i don't care what others think of me anymore.
they can say what they like.
because this is my life.
it sucks so much it can't get any worse.

now i realise.
i have God with me.
he'll always be with me
he's my abba father.
so even if the whole world turns against me.
even if the whole world hates me.
even if the guy i love despises me.
even if my best friends turn their back on me.
i have to continue living my life bravely.
for myself, for my family, for God.

and as i break down in tears tonight, i remind myself.
that i'll still love him.
that i'll still want to be your best friend.
that i'll still have God.

& i'll still be heartbroken and torn apart.

):


"Every little thing's gonna be alright."
hey delirious?
i'm not so sure about that anymore.

Labels: 200th post, delirious?, emo, friends, God, love